SMC: My Modesty


Modest is as Modest Does

Being modest is important for many reasons…such as:

  • giving or destroying credibility
  • determining who pays attention to you
  • looking the part as needed without violating personal views
  • E T C

I do think, there are those who cling to it as a platitude/idea/whatever to prove their own moral superiority because it isn’t something they struggle with…log in the eye:

  • not shaped for the clothes they disparage…
  • not young enough for the clothes they disparage
  • not able to afford them…
  • not what appeals to them…
  • not a free-thinker -> mindlessly following someone who is genuinely modest…
  • I’m sure there are plenty of other hypocritical reasons…

In any case, no gal has the right to pass judgment on another.  Give advice…give help…ask questions around some things…but in the end…style is personal expression…and there is a reason compelling the woman who shows excessive skin, or feels the need to be overtly sexy.

Sometimes modesty is leading by example [i.e. your own style] and genuinely praying for the immodest – WHILE keeping you mouth firmly SHUT.  People change when they wanna change [usually because God puts His finger on that and they are compelled to respond!].

Modest, My Definition

It’s best to define for yourself what is and isn’t modest.  You know your body, build, movement patterns, and values.  It is also best not to insult the views of another if you disagree with their modesty definition or even their total disregard for personal modesty!  🙂

Which can be hard because when you see a supposed Jesus Lover scantily clad on Instagram the knee-jerk reaction is to call a party foul!

My Influential Family

These folk have opinions for days…and feel no conflict in inflicting them!  Some are helpful, others are unwanted and unneeded!

  • Not too tight
  • Don’t look/act/dress like you aren’t used to anything
  • Don’t show too much
  • Rugged/moto/studs can be frowned upon
  • “We don’t do that”…

Just Me

UM, I’ll take all that under advisement, BUT I dress for me…not the onlookers.

For me, modest is:

  • One star per outfit
    • then I orient the rest of the outfit around it
  • Not too tight but contouring is fine
  • Figure flattering
    • I’m short so long skirts aren’t flattering
      • just not too short
    • I’m curvy so full skirts aren’t flattering
      • a-line works just fine
    • I’m curvy so baggy and loose is just gross
    • chunky knits aren’t my best either
    • anything that creates odd proportions no matter how modest won’t be worn – ugly isn’t acceptable
  • Not too young-looking either
    • just sad
    • life is a gift, enjoy where you are!
  • Appropriate [loosely…not inappropriate is better as I will push the envelope]
    • no gym gear at worship or school meetings
      • I will however have fun with footwear and accessories
    • no prom dresses for errands
      • not ugly, unkempt or gross though
    • none of the really outrageous basically

The general goal, for me, is stylish but also tasteful and classy.  The only thing I like to see in others is appropriateness LOL…other than that – let your freak flag fly.

Things that don’t work for me:

  • short [even knee length] skater skirts -> my movement patterns would make this indecent
  • bodycon -> the curves don’t need to be on display quite that much
  • crop tops [beyond layering under longer things] -> one hyphenated word -> belly-fat

Things that are iffy at my current state:

  • texture -> adds girth
  • sheen -> highlights girth and lumpiness
  • minis -> movement pattern violations become very possible
  • flowy -> adds visual bulk

Modesty, The Application

Most things can be made modest…add a scarf, add layer…ie. another top or topper, add a cardi/topper, add OTK boots to make a skirt less short, etc.

If modesty is a priority, then Outfit Creativity leans towards finding modest work-arounds and solutions!

Covers a low neckline perfectly…as would a HUGE statement necklace…fill in the space!
A bit tight?  No problem, add a scarf and a longer cardi.  Still may not be a great idea for church. 🙂
SLIGHTLY longer tops…that are cut well for the silhouette…I’m no an advocate of making the torso look oddly long 😐
OTK boots are great for making hemlines look longer…and they are warm!

Modesty, The Takeaway

I already feel modest enough…but it never hurts to revisit ideas and reasons for doing things…and plan outfits!

Motive is important too [I like to evaluate mine to be sure they are good!]…motive check:

Good motives…not causing Christian brothers in Christ to stumble…to reflect Whose you are…in keeping with who you are…


Bad motives…to bolster the judgment of others and self-righteousness…because someone else is doing it…to compensate for poor character…

The why matters as much as the what…

My motive -> God has His finger on this…and He has for a while, I praise Him for His patience!  In truth I’ve been reluctant to assess for fear of giving something up [for shame lol]…

I think the takeaway is that I need to be mindful…some things just won’t be for me…no matter how cute they are…or who else is wearing them [we are all at different points of maturity and in our faith journey].

I wonder if it gets easier with age…given that some things are blatantly for ‘young girls’ [I can’t see me in Infant’s Jordan’s – for which she is well pleased – but it’s one small thing that doesn’t tempt me…it’s an easy  no] vice more mature women 😀 [I’m not that old!  I’m just saying.]

Good reads for a motive check here.

Great style isn’t limited to what we see in various media outlets…I need to remind myself of that –  not as a slam against them but to think past the initial ‘ooooh that is cute’ feelings…get to the important:

  • does it work for me…
  • what does it say about my character…
  • why am I attracted to it in the first place…
  • how long will I want to wear this thing…
  • whose attention will it draw if I am not careful…

Not just will it make me look fat 🙂 though that is QUITE pertinent!

It’s easy to judge…but judge yourself first…


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